24TH March 2016.
Weeh!! I have died today! Listen to this. Have you ever patanad with these street fruit sellers wakiuza pears,oranges,tu marigo’s (i.e bananas), funny fruits with thorns sijui I hear zaitwa Thorn Melons among other weird looking fruits that I wouldn’t know kama nafaa kula mbegu, skin, top layer ama naziboil kwanza?…Stress. When did fruits become so complicated jameni? Haya! Out of curiosity and the fact that nilikua kwa jam so wasn’t really going anywhere, I start to converse with the seller and ask about these thorny fruits and their benefits.
“Aaah hii madam ni fit sana na wanawake na wanaume. Hii ukikula moja unapata appetite ya mzee unamwabia come baby come! Hata round tano! Na pia inasafisha damu.”
I BURST out laughing almost choking on the 50 bob crisps I had been munching on. Say what now?! 5 rounds?! Kwani ni boka?
“Mimi sitaki raundi ✊🏽 only ✌🏽️” I tell him… He looks at me straight in the eye and I realize he is dead serious.
“Ahem! So err na pears nazo?”
He looks at me in disbelief.
“Aiiii madam! Hizi zinafanya uwe maji maji sana.”
He shakes his head disapprovingly. I almost drop the packet of crisps in my hand in the proverbial ‘drops the mic.’ 😳😳😳
[Tweet “[“Aiiii madam! Hizi zinafanya uwe maji maji sana.”– Truth about pears? #MRX”]
“Eeeh madam! Hujui hiyo? Utakua maji maji sana. Sii poa.”
Chae! I am looking at him as though asking: But how do you know all this! Tell me more!
He leans in almost in a whisper… “Hii ni kama tu cabbage. Unakula kidogo kidogo tu!”
Suddenly I hear hooting behind me. It was almost like a bell telling me class was over. The traffic was moving and the drivers behind me were getting impatient. Hawajui nilikua naandika mental notes?
I drive off, thinking of what my vender had told me. But wait! I now wanted the thorny melon fruits! I step on the breaks and look outside my window to signal at my fruit sensei but to my shock and disappointment, he was gone! Vanished! I release the hand break and proceed.
“Till we meet again sensei. Till we meet again…”
Are these “fruit stories” real? What have you heard? Please comment below!
Love. Live. Learn