Exes, Lies, and Secrets.

Dear Diary.

I feel compelled to write about this subject because it has happened to me. It has probably happened to you too. If it hasn’t, well then it probably will, so better buckle up.

When we enter a new relationship, many of us are eager to reveal ourselves to our guy or chic. I guess that’s what gives us content to talk about when we are chilling over some food and drinks; or in bed. With time we share deeper thoughts and emotions, we might even have a TBT moment and tell our partner things that happened with our ex, so on and so forth. In these moments, we confide in this person and trust that either we will be together forever, or they will have the maturity not to share this info with anyone.

The former scenario rarely pans out that way. You break up, maybe there’s a nasty fight. Bad things are said, and everyone goes their own way. That’s where the problem starts.

“Umeskia vile Suzzie anaambia watu kukuhusu? Ati wewe ni match stick huko chini.”

“Waaah! Aki Suzzie, George is out there telling everyone about the threesome you guys had and ati you were even overshadowed by your pal. Ati ulikua tu kifo cha mende”

Whether these claims are true or false, I believe certain things that were done or said in confidence within a relationship should remain there. Put it in a shoe box and burn it after a breakup if you so wish, but spreading of lies and secrets is just immature.

HADITHI!! HADITHI!!

So this one time, I was dating this guy. And as the story goes, we broke up. I cannot even remember why. LOL. Later on news was reaching me from people I know, that he was spreading information about me. It was sensitive info that wasn’t even true and damaging to my reputation. Did I have dirt on him too? Sure! And I had to fight everything within me from going public with that info. Thank goodness for good friends who stop you from doing something stupid like going all the way to Rongai to confront an ex- especially after taking a few shots of tequila- (Tequilla is the devil in a bottle by the way. Never take this when bitter! Hahaha!

She told me he didn’t matter and was being childish so I should ignore and see how things will turn around. Which I did.

Still had the tequila though: 

My moment came years later at an event, where I had been invited, a situation quite different from when I was an intern and looking scruffy, now with good make up, good clothes and thank goodness a good weave- LOL! There he was, that ex, coming towards me. I could tell nothing much had changed in his life… not that I was celebrating, but I am human, and I won’t lie, I was a tad bit glad that I was doing way better. Karma they call it?  Well, mine was very present.

He got to where I was and stretched his arms like an old friend, reaching for a hug.

The whole time he was walking towards me I kept wondering what I would do. Jameni do I run to the ladies room and avoid the awkwardness that’s about to happen? Do I stand my ground, give him a smile and pretend I wasn’t having murderous thoughts? Do I pour this cocktail I have in my hand in his face? I wasn’t prepared for this encounter! What would you have done?

Let’s unfreeze that moment he is leaning in for a hug. Arms stretched and all. Suddenly, I knew just what to do. It was as if all the ghosts of girls who had been humiliated by their exes whispered to me. I stretched out my hand in front of me and asked him what he was trying to do like:

To which he replied:

“Sii nakupatia hug? Kwani kuna ubaya?”

And I said…“Hug hewa.”

He said: “Uko serious?”

I said, “Dead serious. Hug Hewa”

Dude couldn’t believe it. He froze. The look on his face was priceless. Arms still stretched out by the way. I stood there, looking at him, other people also taking notice of this guy waiting for a hug. Then another male friend who spotted me came and said hello. We hugged, and walked away.

Karma was at work that night and I wasn’t about to stop her.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? When someone who did you wrong comes up to you like y’all are cool when CLEARLY you aren’t, what do you do? Comment below! Let’s exchange stories.

Live. Love. Learn.

Mwalimu Rachel.