If there’s one thing you need to do this year, it’s to get rid of the toxic people in your life. Ever heard the story of the frog and the scorpion?
A frog was chilling by the side of a pond when a scorpion came up to it saying “Hi. I need your help. I need to cross over this pond and I cannot swim. Can you please carry me to the other side?” The frog says “You’re a scorpion! Won’t you sting me and kill me?” The Scorpion gave it’s most sympathetic look and said “I won’t sting you! Besides if I did sting you, I will drown as well. Also, a good frog would help its friends. I promise not to sting you.”
The frog thought about it and eventually decided to help his friend. The scorpion crawled onto the frog’s back and they started going across the water. Halfway through, the Scorpion stung the Frog. Just before drowning, the Frog asked “Why did you do it? We’ll both die!” The Scorpion replied “I am a scorpion. It’s in my nature, I couldn’t help it.”
Think about the people you keep around you. How many people in your life are bad for you? You probably know they’re bad for you, but you still keep them around you. If you have no idea who a toxic person is then here is a quick list to help you figure it out.
1. The Pessimist
That person is always angry, resentful and unhappy. Pessimists will suck the life out of you with all that negativity. Hanging around a person who complains 24/7 will make you develop negative thoughts about your own life. You could even get depressed!
Here’s how to avoid the negativity:
- Don’t give negativity attention. Negativity needs attention; people who complain a lot need someone to hear it all. Keep your conversations with the pessimist brief. If you have to hang around them, don’t ask follow-up questions. Instead try and change the topic to something more positive.
- Be honest. Tell them you’re trying to be more positive about life, so you’d rather not talk about negative stuff.
- Find things that trigger positive thoughts in your head. It could be your favorite song or reading an inspirational quote every morning.
2. The JUDGEMENTAL CRITIC
Criticism can be a good thing, but there are people who cause harm when they use it. There is a difference between a truth-teller and someone who looks down on you. If you have that friend who never has anything good to say to you, you need to draw the line. You need to be comfortable being yourself around people.
- Don’t take their judgemental comments personally nor seriously. It’s never that serious and you can’t please everybody.
- Recognize that some constructive criticism can be good. It can help you become more aware about your weaknesses.
- Learn to tell the difference between constructive and false criticism. Once you do you will be able to ignore anything nonconstructive and it will have no influence over you.
- Calm down before you respond to criticism. You probably won’t think clearly when you’re angry or when your feelings are hurt. Take a deep breathe and take a walk to calm down.
3. The Victim
These people tend to find someone to blame for all their problems and mistakes. At first, you tried to try and help the victim, but with time their problems never seem to go away. They are always in need, and they will make you forget that tough times are an opportunity to learn and grow. This could change your perspective of your own life.
- Do not diminish someone’s experience of being an actual victim. However you need to be wary of someone who scapegoats other for every little thing that goes wrong in their life.
- When you can, let the person know that the universe is not out to get them.
- Do not take responsibility for their unhappiness. This does not mean you;re perfect. You’re capable of wronging your friend, however take care not to take the blame for things that you had no hand in.
- Don’t be guilted into making decisions when an old grudge comes up. The victim tends to hold old grudges and use them as an excuse for how they are. Be careful not to be maninpulated into doing things you do not want to do.
4. The Selfish One
A lot of us hang around people who don’t care for us. Sad truth is there is no reason being with someone who is not interested in your life. Some selfish people tend to pretend to care about you. This facade however does not last; eventually it all becomes about them.
- If they don’t care about you, there’s no need to bother. Just let them go instead of hoping things will change.
- Be sure the person is not just taking. They need to give something in return.
- Learn to say “NO” more.
5. The Controlling/Jealous One
This does not just apply to romantic relationships. You can have a controlling and jealous friend, and they’re harder to notice. The jealous person gets angry with you when you spend time with other people. They ask for lengthy explanations when you do not reply to their text messages. They basically disrespect your boundaries.
- Do not feel guilty or forced to answer to someone.
- If the relationship is taking a toll on you, ask yourself why and deal with it whatever way you can.
All in all
You shouldn’t feel guilty about cutting out toxic people from your life. Toxicity can have a negative impact on your life; leading you to make bad decisions, live a poor lifestyle and even have mental health problems. Sometimes you have to keep your best interests top in mind.
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Spot on! Nice one Stacey.
Thanks! 🙂