You would assume that because a woman has undergone child birth and is struggling to keep it together with her new born, that another mother would be sensitive and understand what she is going through. Ah-Ah honey. Not the picture on the ground. The one who probably has 2 kids will judge and criticize the new mum only to damage her self esteem as a mum. Why? Because she too was criticized and brought down by a mean mum and they want to feel better by bringing someone else down. It’s a vicious cycle. I detest it. It’s ugly, it’s mean, it’s downright evil.
Dear new mum who is either facing this or may face this, I’ve got the best advise for you.
Look out for the “I know it all” mum.
The one who will tell you you’re not holding the baby right as they give out that demeaning laugh..you know the one? The “hehehehe huuuuwiiii!!!!Oneni huyu!” laugh. They are the devil wearing an apron. That mum will tell you you don’t have enough milk, you shouldn’t feed the baby this and that, you shouldn’t even leave the house after 3 months for one hour with your girls to unwind because “Goodness! Mtoto utamwacha na nani akiiiii?!” And by the way when she asks you that stupid question, because it is very stupid, just say “Imagine I don’t know who I am leaving the baby with? The angels will watch her I am sure!” And be on your way. FAST. You don’t need that negative energy around you!
Look out for the “Careful you don’t lose your man!” mum.
You are BARELY sleeping at night- or any time for that matter, haven’t had time to go to the salon, your boobs ache because of breast feeding, you are almost out your mind and then comes this female (trying to be polite here!) who in the name of seeing the baby, tells you how you need to do something about your hair because you look a mess, or that “gosh! you have gained so much weight” crap. Jesus take he wheel. Look at that woman in the eye and tell her; “What? I have gained weight? Really? But I NEVER knew women gain weight during pregnancy! I was here thinking I am a size 2! Noooo! You sure I have gained weight? Then watch how silly her face looks.
Look out for the “Woiyee” mum.
I hate pity. You should too. When a woman comes to you with those puppy eyes almost welling up in tears because of how “you are struggling with this life” then you need to exile them from your life. They are making you feel like you are not strong enough. Like you don’t know what you are doing. Like this was a mistake and you aren’t good enough. FORGET THAT. Whether that baby was planned or not, you soldier on you hear me? You are now an ELITE. And if that friend of yours doesn’t see that, tell her to bugger off before you throw a funky diaper in her face!
Look out for the “It’s now your turn” mum.
“Sii ulikua unajiona kaschana sana? Hahaha!Hehehe!Tihihihi! Sasa lea mtoto” This is that mum who wishes she had your life. The fact that you are fun and spontaneous. The fact that you are young and beautiful. She wishes she had your spirit, and thinks that being a mum means your life is over. That you will now be as miserable as she is. That you have lost your beautiful figure and won’t ever look the same. Look her in the eye and tell her “Well, at least I can always go to the gym and shed the weight…nothing you can do about your face though!” And walk off like the queen you are. (What, a bit mean? Fight fire with fire baby.)
Look out for the “Are you wearing THAT?” mum.
So you finally start living again. Your baby is say… 3 months and your girls have derailed you for a polite night out. It’s been a while for you. You want to feel sexy again and even show a bit of skin. Then the she devil comes over just as you have dressed and gasps! asking you “Gai?! Is that what you are wearing? You do know you’re a mum now right?”
Tell her this: “Yes, I’m a mum. Matter of fact, I’m a yummy mummy. I ain’t dead! So could you leave so I can look even more fabulous? You’re in my spotlight.” Then continue with your make up. Girrrrl you don’t need all that mess. You’ve done your time. Baby is healthy, eating right, time for you to reclaim your youth.
After all has been said and said, you need to maintain your confidence! You are about to be or just became a mum for the first time. Maaaany things will be said in your face and behind your back. Those you thought would understand (EVEN YOUR MOTHER) may actually disappoint you and make you feel inadequate. Don’t let that get to you! NO ONE knows your child like you do. Hata that mum of 9. Only you know how to care for that young one. So trust in you. You will make mistakes but ask for guidance from the right people i.e doctors. Hawa wengine ni mdomo tu!
And to YOU who puts new mums down, SHAME ON YOU. You may have the best intensions but before you open your loud mouth and spew poison, consider the following:
- Timing- don’t give advice when you can clearly see I’m struggling!
- Environment- So you want to be a loud mouth around my relatives ndio what happens? You gain brownie points? Please.
- Delivery- It’s not what you say, but HOW you say it!
Love. Live. Learn.
Mwalimu Rachel
#MRX.
