My Diary

I Love My Son, BUT…

8th Dec 2015

Dear Diary,


Being a parent isn’t easy. No really, it isn’t! We hear mothers and fathers say this over and over but I have never really understood the magnitude of it, even when I brought Jabari into this world. It’s funny how at first when we brought him home, I and his dad kept on saying how he was like our little pet. All we had to do was clean him, feed him and cuddle him (That new baby smell must be heaven’s fragrance!) Well, and try keep him from crying at night which I discovered wasn’t his fault, poor guy was new to this place called earth and was just confused by it. His whole body just needed adjustment.

Fast forward to two and a half years later and my oh my how the story has changed. Parenthood really has taken shape and it’s not business as usual. The tantrums take a toll on me and many times I find myself uttering the words “Help me Lord”.


My son is forming character, habits, behaviors and this is where discipline checks in. See diary, I was raised in an era where whenever I did something naughty, my parents would not spare the rod. Back then I wondered why they found it so easy to do so. And why did my mum cry sometimes as she spanked me? Did they like it or nah? Was it absolutely necessary? I used to wonder. Being a mummy now, I get it. It shakes me to the core when I have to spank my own. It troubles me and honestly gets me upset that I have to raise my hand to my boy whom I love so dear. It’s a necessary evil. That’s what I tell myself. This is that make or break stage and he needs to understand throwing himself to the ground won’t get him what he wants. That he cannot carry all his toys to bed at night. That it isn’t right for him to push other toto’s during play (I blame this on Kung’ Fu Panda). THIS is the other side of parenting they don’t teach you in school, diary… only in real life.


And so why do I risk being called a bad mother by those who do not subscribe to the “spare the rod, spoil the child” school of thought?


Because this is for us: New, first time mums who are confused, anxious, scared, maybe even a lil bit guilty whenever we have to spank or “chuna” our toddlers. I want my son to grow up respectful, selfless and caring. If I have to be in that “uncomfortable” position to instill that, then so be it. There will be bumps along the way, a few tears from both parties here and there, but I am responsible for him and I have to do what I have to do. He’ll thank me for this one day…Lol! As I sound like my mother… In the meantime, Aluta Continua!


I shall be the mother at the corner there, hugging and reassuring myself that it’s all for his own good.



Love. Live. Learn.
Mwalimu Rachel.

Leave a Comment